The Original Essay That Started It All

Claudion, Magistrate of Moon Base Denmark.

Hamlet, Son to the former, and Nephew to the present Magistrate.

Poloniusbot, A Robot.

Opheliatron, Daughter to Poloniusbot.

Horation, Friend to Hamlet.

Laertes, Son to Poloniusbot.

Voltimand and Cornelius, Courtier.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, Courtier.

Marcellus, Officer.

Bernardo, Officer.

Francisco, a Soldier

Fortinbras, Prince of Norway.

Hologram of Hamlet's Father.

Gary, Consort Prime of Moon Base Denmark, and Father of Hamlet.

SCENE. Moon Base Denmark: Elsinore Sector.

Character Changes and Setting

The setting is on the moon, in Moon Base Denmark. The scenery would be dark, gray and dusty on the perimeter. Outside the base space suits would be worn. Inside the base the scenery would be metallic and have lots of shiny lights, very futuristic looking.

Poloniusbot is one of the older generation robots and does little more than bleep and whir.

Opheliatron is the daughter of Poloniusbot and Hamlet is in love with her. She is an android. When Hamlet shows signs of madness she destroys herself by falling into a bathtub.

Laertes, or Lazer Activated Energy Reception and Transmission Enhancing Superbot, is the son of Poloniusbot. When he spars Hamlet he fights with a poisoned lazer.

Horation is Hamlet's friend from his school days. Pretty much the same as in the original except with an 'n' at the end of his name because it is the future.

Voltimand and Cornelius are a two headed andriod courtier. The same is true for Rosencrants and Guildenstern.

Marcellus and Bernardo are officers of the base. The moon base operates with a complicated beuracratic system of elections, votes and uneven political power. It is through this beuracracy that Claudion is able to obtain the political power to seize the office of Magistrate by killing his brother.

The elder Hamlet is murdered while showering by poisoned conditioner and with his last strength uploads his personality to a hologram that resides in the base computer. This hologram may or may not be capable of appearing only to Hamlet, it is left for the viewer to decide.

Hamlet is the cloned son of Hamlet Sr. and Gary, Consort Prime.

Gary, Consort Prime, is the official partner of the Magistrate. Through the complex and archaic political system it is a position that comes with hidden political power, but is mostly for decoration.

Claudion is the brother of Hamlet Sr. Claudion kills Hamlet Sr. and after becoming Magistrate marries Gary, that's politics.

Analysis Of Changes

The most significant change to the original version is that Hamlet now has two biological fathers. I chose to make this change because I wanted to see whether or not the 'Oedipal Complex' motivations for some of Hamlet's actions would actually make a difference. It seems that the play progresses much the same irrespective of whether Hamlet's 'mom' is a man or a woman. This does not necessarily prove that the conventional oedipal complex analysis of Hamlet is wrong. Changing the gender of Hamlet's mom removes the traditional interpretation, however, it adds a strong homoerotic undercurrent, coupled with the presence of zero females on the base can create an entirely new set of psychological issues for Hamlet, which is one of the many dangers of moon colonization.

I chose the setting to be on the moon, and in the future, because the story of Hamlet is one that transcends both time and space.

I have written the first act to serve as a general idea of the ambiance that I am attempting to portray. Some of the language is disjoint, part of this is due to the unfamiliarity of the style, part to experimentation with what tone I was going for, and part is intentional. I concentrated mainly on Act I because it establishes the most background for the plot and characters. Also, it is first chronologically. I included the closet scene because it tells a great deal about the relation between Hamlet and his fathers.

The rest of the play progresses along the same story line as the original Shakespeare version. Polonius is a robot because he is the funniest as a robot. Ohpelia and Laertes are also robots for some reason. In the final scene Fortinbras will enter from Moon Base Norway, and due to the decrease in political power for Moon Base Denmark from the death of so many high standing people, he will gain control over it. It is the same sector of the base that Fortinbras's father lost and thus the final act of revenge is still maintained.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern will attempt to take Hamlet to Moon Base England, but their message to have him defeated will be replaced, using ultra-high-end cryptographic methods, by one that calls for their dispatch. This is in agreement with much of the rest of the changes to the play, they change the plot little, but modernize the setting and the means.

Part of my goal in this assignment was to see how many ludicrous changes I could make to the original version yet still have it maintain a semblance of continuity. I was surprised to find that most of them did not have too strong a negative impact on the overall story, and often times hilarity ensued.

Act I

Scene i: Moon Base Denmark. Perimeter.

[Francisco at his post. Enter to him Bernardo.]

Ber.: I have arrived. You are relieved from duty.

Fran.: Affirmative.

[Exit.]

[Enter Horation and Marcellus.]

Mar.: Salutations, Bernardo.

Ber.: Salutation acknowledged. My scanners detect the presence of Horation.

Hor.: Detection confirmed.

Mar.: Has the disturbance appeared this phase?

Ber.: Negative.

Mar.: Horation will determine the validity of our report.

Hor.: That is correct.

[Enter Hologram, armed.]

Ber.: It is the figure of the dead magistrate.

Mar.: Thou hast advanced scanners; diagnose it, Horation.

[Horation activates scanners.]

Mar.: Its energy is destabilizing.

Ber.: See, it dissipates!

[Exit Hologram.]

Hor.: I require a stronger reading to conclude my analysis.

[Exeunt.]

Act I

Scene ii: Elsinore Sector. A conference hall.

[Enter the Magistrate, Consort Prime, Hamlet, Poloniusbot, Laertes, Cornelius and Voltimand]

Mag.: Although it is fitting for our entire colony to bow our heads in grief at the death of my brother, the late Magistrate, it is also fitting to think of ourselves. Ergo, I formally announce my union with consort prime, Gary. With the current situation in our base young Fortinbras believes that he may usurp control of the sectors lost by his father. We have writ to the Magistrate of Moon Base Norway, uncle of young Fortinbras, the details of his nephews plans. Cornelius and Voltimand, you shall personally deliver this message.

Cor. and Volt.: Our duty is our life.

[Exeunt Cornelius and Voltimand]

Mag.: Next on the agenda: Laertes seeks leave for Moon Base France. Speak Laertes.

Laer.: I seek to leave again for Moon Base France, having returned to Moon Base Denmark for my duty in your appointment to magistrate, but that being accomplished, I seek return to Moon Base France.

Mag.: Poloniusbot, what say you?

Pol.: Bleep! Poloniusbot consents request of leave.

Mag.: Leave is granted. Now Hamlet, what's the deal with you?

Ham.: I feel that it is too soon to remove my garb of grievance.

Cons. Prime: It is necessary for all lives to die. It is necessary for us to carry forth our lives. Stand forward and cast off your dark color.

Mag.: It is commendable of you to maintain your mourning of your father. But your father lost a father, and his father before him. In addition you still have one remaining father, and now I hope that you can look to me as a father also. However, your request to return to school is against our desires and we hope you reconsider.

Cons. Prime: Let not thy remaining father lose his prayers.

Ham.: I shall obey you, father.

[Exuent all but Hamlet]

Ham.: Oh, why must self destruction be such a despicable offense. My fathers were so loving, yet so soon after my father's death my he marries my father's brother, who is such a lesser man that it would be insult to compare them. No good can come of this.

[Enter Horation]

Hor.: Salutations.

Ham.: Salutations Horation, or am I mistaken?

Hor.: The same, your friend and servant.

Ham.: What brings you to Elsinore sector?

Hor.: I came to see your father's funeral.

Ham.: More likely you came to see my father's wedding.

Hor.: Indeed if followed hard upon.

Ham.: All for the sake of frugality. The leftovers from the funeral furnished the tables for the marriage. My father, methinks I see my father.

Hor.: The consort prime has left.

Ham.: No, my father, in my minds eye.

Hor.: We saw him yesternight out at the perimeter, but my readings were not strong enough to confirm.

Ham.: 'Tis very strange. I shall scout the perimeter tonight; perchance 'twill walk again.

Hor.: I warr'nt 'twill.

Ham.: Let us keep this on the down low if you get my drift.

Hor.: Assuredly.

[Exeunt]

Act I

Scene iii: A room in Poloniusbot's house.

[Enter Laertes and Opheliatron.]

Laer.: The preparations of my departure are completed. Farewell sister. Before I go I must caution you: Hamlet's adoration of you shall not last, no more than shall his flesh outlast your titanium steel alloys.

Oph.: No more but so?

Laer.: Think it no more, for nature and machine are separate and cannot be intertwixed.

Oph.: I shall store this lesson in my databanks, to be consulted, but do not transmit without receiving your own message.

Laer.: O, fear me not. I stay too long, but here my father comes.

[Enter Poloniusbot]

A double blessing is a double grace; occasion smiles upon a second leave.

Pol.: Bleep bleep Laertes!

Laer.: Most humbly do I take my leave, my lord.

Pol.: Bleep!

Laer.: Farewell, Ophelia; store well what I have said to you.

Oph.: 'Tis in my memory lock'd, and you yourself shall keep the key of it.

Laer.: Farewell.

[Exit.]

Pol.: Bleep bleep Opheliatron?

Oph.: So please you, something touching the lord Hamlet.

[Poloniusbot spins and whirs]

Oph.: I shall obey, my lord.

[Exeunt.]

Act I

Scene iv: Moon Base Denmark. Perimeter.

[Enter Hamlet, Horation, and Marcellus.]

Ham.: What hour now?

Mar.: Just past twelve.

Hor.: Indeed? Then the time draws near.

[A flourish of MIDI, and ordnance shot off within.]

What does this mean?

Ham.: The Magistrate celebrates his recent officialization of union with consort prime.

Hor.: Is it a custom?

Ham.: Yes, in my mind, however, more honor'd in the breach than the observance.

Hor.: Look, Hamlet, it comes!

[Enter Hologram.]

Ham.: Whether or no thy intents wicked or charitable, thy image is that of my father and I must question thee. Say why thou has returned so horridly to shake our disposition, with thoughts beyond the reaches of our souls? Say, why is this? Wherefore? What should we do?

[Hologram beckons Hamlet.]

Hor.: It beckons you to go away with it, as if some impartment did desire to you alone.

Mar.: Do not go with it!

Ham.: It will not speak; then I will follow it.

Hor.: Do not my lord.

Ham.: Still it beckons to me. I shall follow.

Mar.: It's a trick, get an axe.

Hor.: You shall not go.

Ham.: Lay your hands off me. My life is without worth but my fate cries out.

[Breaking free from them.]

I say, away! Go on; I'll follow thee.

[Exeunt Hologram and Hamlet.]

Mar.: Something is rotten in Moon Base Denmark.

[Exeunt.]

Act I

Scene v: A service passage below the Base.

[Enter Hologram and Hamlet.]

Ham.:Whither wilt thou lead me? Speak! I'll go no further.

Holo.: I am thy father's spirit; Doom'd to confinement in the Base mainframe. I siphoned enough energy away to create an image for a portion of the night, but for the day I am confin'd to burn in the torrents of the digital void. If thou didst ever thy dear father love, revenge his foul and most unnatural murder.

Ham.: Murder!

Holo.: 'Tis given out that, showering in my lavatory a serpent stung me so that the whole ear of Moon Base Denmark is by a forged process of my death rankly abus'd. But know, thou noble youth, the serpent that did sting thy father's life now wears his crown.

Ham.: O my prophetic soul! Mine uncle!

Holo.: Ay, that incestuous, that adulterate beast. He seduced, with his shameful lust, the will of my seeming-virtuous consort prime. O Hamlet, what a falling-off was there! From me, whose love was that of dignity that it went hand in hand even with the vow I made to him in marriage, to decline upon a wretch whose natural gifts were poor to those of mine! I must be brief, my energy is fading. My custom always of the afternoon, upon my secure hour thy uncle stole, with juice of cursed hebenon in a vial, and in the bottle of my conditioner did pour. The dastardly poison coursed swift like mercury to my veins and with my remaining strength, my last command, I hid my soul away in the Base computer. Howsoever thou pursu'st this act of rightful vengeance, leave thy father to heaven and in those thorns that in his bosom lodge to prick and sting him. Adieu Hamlet, remember me.

[Exit.]

Ham.: My purpose is clear. My revenge is sworn.

[Exit.]

Act III

Scene iv: Another room in the base.

[Enter Consort Prime and Poloniusbot.]

Pol.: Bleep bleep.

Ham.: [Within.] Father, father father!

Cons.: Withdraw, I hear him coming.

[Poloniusbot goes behind the arras.]

[Enter Hamlet.]

Ham.: Now, father, what's the matter?

Cons.: Hamlet, thou hast thy father much offended.

Ham.: Father, you have my father much offended.

Cons.: Come, come you answer with an idle tongue.

Ham.: Go, go, you question with a wicked tongue.

Cons.: Have you forgot me?

Ham.: No, by the Earth, not so: You are Consort Prime, your husband's brother's husband, and, would it were not so, you are my father.

Cons.: Nay, then, I'll set those to you that can speak.

Ham.: Come, come, and sit you down; you shall not budge. You go not till I set you up a glass where you may see the inmost part of you.

Cons.: What wilt thou do? Thou wilt not murder me? Help, help, ho!

Pol.: [Behind.] Bleep!

Ham.: How now? A rat? [Draws.] Dead for a dollar, dead!

Pol.: [Behind] Fatal error!

[Falls and goes dead.]

Cons.: O me, what hast thou done?

Ham.: 'Tis only Poloniusbot.

Cons.: Ay, 'tis. No matter, we've need of an upgrade.

Ham.: This petty deed! Not even comp'ble, good father, to kill a magistrate and marry with his brother.

Cons.: As kill a magistrate!

Ham.: Ay, 'twas my word.

Cons.: What have I done, that thou dar'st accuse me in such veiled insinuations?

Ham.: Look here upon this JPEG, and on this, the counterfeit presentment of two brothers. See what a grace was seated on this brow, what unhinder'd splendor, what mastery of grandeur? This was your husband. Look you now what follows: Here is your husband, like a milldew'd ear, blasting his wholesome brother. Have you eyes?

Cons.: O Hamlet, speak no more. These words like daggers enter in mine ears; no more, sweet Hamlet.

[Enter Hologram.]

Ham.: Do you not come your tardy son to chide, that laps'd in time and passion, lets go by the important acting of you dread command? O, say!

Holo.: Do not forget. This visitation is but to whet thy almost blunted purpose. But, look, amazement on thy father sits: O, step between him and his fighting soul.

Ham.: How is it with you, father?

Cons.: Alas, how is't with you, that you do bend your eye on vacancy and with the incorporeal air do hold discourse?

Ham.: See you nothing there?

Cons.: Not a thing.

Ham: Nor did you nothing hear?

Cons.: No, nothing but ourselves.

Ham.: Why, look you there. Look how it fades away!

[Exit Hologram.]

Cons.: This is the very coinage of your brain.

Ham.: Sure, whatever. [Pointing to Poloniusbot] Off to the dumpster with this.

Cons.: 'Tis only fitting.

Ham.: Good night, father.